It’s the last stretch before Christmas, and that means you only have a few more days to say “Ho, ho, ho!” while you go home and drink yourself into a senseless oblivion, only to have to do it again the next day. Here are some helpful tips to help you avoid that outburst that got you fired at your last mall Santa job.
Hide Your Tattoos
Because you still haven’t figured out a child-friendly way to answer the question, “Why is there a naked lady riding a flaming skull on your arm?”
Remember How Close You Are To A Food Court
You’re grabbing every single free sample from Panda Express after this. We heard they’re passing out orange chicken samples today. That’s a holiday in itself.
Treat Yourself To A Hat At Lids
After wearing that god-awful Santa cap all day, you deserve to hide your bald spot with something a little more you.
Forget About Jenna
With the sheer variety of online dating sites available to Canadian singles it can be hard to choose the right one. Therefore, we decided… You can’t control your ex-wife, but focus on the things you can control. Like resisting every single part of you that wants to body slam this little fucker to the ground.
Hold On Just A Little Longer
This too shall pass. This too shall pass.
The Santa business is a lucrative one, and millions of people all over North America will speak to the man with the bag at some point this December. What are you asking Santa to bring you this year?
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